I'm leaving

Finally! I've booked a weekend in Norway!
That's what I needed - to leave all the things sorrounding me and have a few days free!

Now I feel I love everyone and everything - that's the cure! :)

I had a little fight with my "EX". And yeasterday I've noticed a little, just a little change in her.
She decided not to use me again to help her with her live. She asked another firend - that's good.

Hope she had finally understood what was she doing wrong.
If not, I'll write that here:
- I am not a waiter,
- I am not a sponsor,
- I am not a maid,

But no matter - my light is growing, and I'm stornger now, and she won't ruin my humor :)

Now I know how wrong I was

She is different than the other.
She waits until something sparkle. What does it mean?
Till the time she'll feel she needs someone, she misses, she can't live without.
And there is one intresting thing - she wants to choose! That's good, tha's mean she could be trusted when she make her "choose".
But it's bad also. How do I know I'm on the right way to be "choosen one"? How to be choosen?
Or it would be better not to be choosen??????

A new intriguing thing - says she fights for the "one she choose", and possibly in a very patient way, but the "goal" can not be just given on a plate - it needs to be hounted :)
Well, lets manage hounting :) - it's worth of that.

Today we have had a extraordinary long thoughts exchange - wonder why? What coused that?
A good weather, good mood, feeling guilty not answering or rather poor answering?
No matter - the point is: we had a talk :)

I've asked a lot of questions today, about her mind of "chemistry", and in a short brief:
- dependance, beeing a part of her life - a full life, missing, dreaming.

That means the same as I do. Unfortunately.

I was wrong.

For the first time I was wrong with this girl.
I was sure I crossed the line of what I can say and what I shouldn't.
I've gone too far appearing my thoughts. I knew that.
I've reconciled with fate she'll never write again.

This was the reason I've started this blog.

I was under shower spiting on my own stupidity. When I walked out I glanced on to my laptop.
Freezed dead for a second. :) There was a sign glittering: "You've got a new message on..."

I throw away my towel and ran to the computer - it was her.

She explained herself, she has a mess in her heart and mind, she's so exhausted (she left her home at 7AM, and back afetr 10PM). I understood that, I know what it feels like.
She asked me to translate on to polish the shor dialogue I wrote a day before - that's nice :)
and I hope intriguing enough to extend her skills in language :)
There was something else she didn't wrote, I'm not sure what was that, that make her heart trembling... I've a few suspicions, but only suspicions.

Anyway, my conclusions were far to early. She's different, she's seem to be better than the others.

Something new I thought it might be.

So many thoughts, so certain and so unserctain.
English again... I havn't been doing this for 6 years. Since that painfull day, since my life've changed for ever in this life. Why am I running away in this again? Why am I running in english again? It's easier. It's easier to speak as the different person. It's easier to talk as someone else about my self. I'm closing my shell again.
Diego Pelaez - Abre de la puerta mi amor - funny, so light, so positive.
I screwed up again. Thought I've found someone I can talk to. Was wrong. I've made my mistake in a time I misssed to talk to. Why? It's easy - no one wants to listen this kind of crap I have to say.
Lets get back to the begining.
I saw her.
I couldn't belive so delicate the girl can be. The second thought was: how to knew her not to beeing sketched out at once? An idea was so obvious that I couldn't stand not to remember her name from her name plate she was wearing on her brest.
So simple, so infantile, tv soap sequal falls on their knees :)
It wasn't anything big, just a simple glory on a beauty smile, hair-dress. Few days went. She Noticed my sign below her picture. Irritaiting, intrigue - who was he? Finaly she find that out how I find her.
Curtains fallen, but not all of them... The last one let me knwe a few things she is, she likes, she hates.
Uncredibly familiar things. Uncredibly simmilar need - to have someone to live for and the same in opposite side. To choose who it's gonna be, and waiting for the "one". Two fighting eachother needs.
which is better: to wait ora to choose? Both of them might have never let to have sleep in love. If you do nothing but waiting - you might have waiting for ever and never wait up. If you start looking for and choose - you might do a wrong choose, and loose all your secrets've been hidden for the "only one".
What's better?
Compliment after compliment, so natural, so truth, so real, so personal --- and finally t o o p e r s o n a l , with no permission for.
Half a second, maby less, a quick glance at each other in a real world...
Few hours later the last of the least curtains fall.
The end, the begining of the end. Things ends up within next 24 hours - by theirself.

What did kill that huge opportunity of faith? What have made this flower died before getting in to the wase?
The need of choosing so big as Elbrus Mountain? Need of independence so wide as Paciffic Ocean?
Possible.
What's the lesson? Delicate girls are not as they say they are. Smooth smiling girls are not as theirs smiles.
Question: What's left to do, to be?
Answer: To close my shell, to hide behind the mask of irony.